Thursday, January 31, 2013

No, Speed, No!


This post has extra profanity. You're welcome.

So, speed dating last night with my friend Jane was pretty hilarious. We both have five hundred new boyfriends...


I know you are all dying to know: I wore the 
leopard print dress and I felt fabularse.


I needed a super happy frock to counter 
the speed-dating morning-after blues today...

I'm too sexy for my hair... 






 



This dude was on drugs and using a fake name, which I will tell you about if you email me.
So, that was it.

Would I go again? Abso-frickin-lutely. 
It was hilarious!

Sarah 
xxx


Today I wore: 
1960s super happy print cotton shift - Tush Vintage on Etsy
Cardigan and chiffon headscarf - Op shopped
Flower - Gift 
Shoes - Retail

57 comments:

Fiona said...

OMG what a bunch of arseholes, but fantastic that you are so positive about the experience. Conversation no.2 had me snorting, haven't thses people been to school? Love your cheerful dress, (you look so South American in it) and wish I could smell the jasmine behind you.

Sacramento Amate said...

Hahhahahhahahha, it sooooooooooooooo hilarious, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
You are magic, Sarah, and i cannot stop laughing.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pull Your Socks Up! said...

Oh my frickin' GOD!!! It's true what they say isn't it? Truth really IS stranger than fiction ... yet the irony is, you have a book there, right there in that one night!!! Oh god I hope there were some decent specimens out there last night, I mean really, surely?? I'm laughing like a looney but in that hiding-my-face-to-please-make-it-stop-I-can't-bear-the-horror kind of way. And yet look at you!!! You bounce back like a rainbow coloured bouncy ball that boings down the hill shouting "so long and fuck off losers"!!!! God I just KNOW you looked like a fecking hot prosti and all those idiots took one look at your hotness and their brains just completely melted. I MEAN it!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ulla-Marie Nilsson said...

Join more speeddatings and write a book!

pastcaring said...

OMFG, how hilariarse! I told you they wouldn't be good enough for you, but seriously - wasn't there anyone (apart from the women) who could hold a reasonable conversation, ask interesting and interested questions, and not sound like a complete madman? No?! Fuck!
You HAVE to go back, if only to keep us entertained!
Look at that beautiful 60s swirly whirly happy floral print. It's adorable. And so are you.
Love you more than any potential date possibly could! xxxxxxx

Frocktasia said...

Oh dear, as hilarious as you make it sound it also comes across as a bit of a painful process, I'm not sure I'd be up for it.
It's been a long time since I dated so I think I'd probably crash and burn like the shirt guy.
What a shame Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't there, maybe next time ;)
Lot's of love,
Jennie
xXx

Rose&Bird said...

Oh dear, some sad cases there! Still, it makes for a good story! Glad that you had a fun time, looking forward to the next instalment x

Rose&Bird said...

Ohh, and I love your bright dress x

freckleface said...

Wow, you lucked out there! It's a shame it was speed dating. I think there was more mileage in that shirt in Melbourne conversation.
That frock is blimmin' lovely. I want it. :)
xxx

Penny Dreadful Vintage said...

AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I LOVE this post :D xx

karensomethingorother said...

ERMAHGERD SARAH!!!! They are NOT WORTHY! Did you really have to have all those conversations?!? You suffer to bring us such wonderment. I'm totally emailing you for that name. You look gorgeous by the way.

No hotties???

Franca said...

this post cracks me up! especially like the guy that didnt buy the shirt!

Vix said...

Brilliant! Poor sods, maybe some of it can be put down to nerves, I'm with Jennie, I'd probably say something inane like Mr No. 5 'cos I'm rubbish performing under pressure.
I've always thought you've got a that Euro-South American look about you, fancy a date?
Love that frock, wear it next time and lets hear what they say about it.
Love you more than psychos xxxxxx

Ofelia said...

South American AH?
He didn't get a shirt and he still thinking about it.
He maybe is in love ("hate") with his ex-wife.
There's is nothing else to do in the city.
You look like freedom to him? How does slavery looks like to him?

Like I say when things don't go my way but they still make me laugh:
AY CONO, CARAJO!!!!!

Miss Simmonds Says said...

oh dear... well.... er..... Someone once tried to chat me up by shouting "oi oi Saveloy!!", so I understand how you may feel a teensy bit let down. Speed dating does sound like it attracts men who very rarely leave Canberra or it's vicinity. Super fun, just what you want! Still I bet your gorgeousness just stunned Shirt guy into talking jibberish. Thought I suspect if he was hot you would've forgiven him, but I bet he wasn't
Anyway, you look delicious, you don't need those losers, but you know that xxxxx

Carina Rosenholm said...

Ha ha! I Love it - hilarious!!

Loo xx from Jumbles and Pompoms said...

Oh Sarah, those conversations are hilarious. But, seriously, there wasn't anyone half decent? Godammit. You'll just have to go again - if only to regale us with your stories. Love the dress today - one of my favourites for sure. xx

thorne garnet said...

#5 has me laughing. Isn't Melbourne pretty close to Canberra? And ,Dude, buy the damn shirt.

Joni said...

What a bunch of dolts! You're much too smart for dudes like that my dear. But for entertainment's sake it sure looks fun. Hope you find a keeper!

Val Sparkle said...

I was hoping you'd get at least one good one, and he would look like Jake Gyllenhall. Maybe you did, but you're keeping him to yourself.

I love that dress - it reminds me of one my sister made around 1968-69. The print is so similar, and so beeyootiful! A perfect antidote to boob-staring, unimaginative, bitter not-bitter men.

Krista Gassib said...

Good for you for having an open mind! My friend went to one of these and she said it was a bunch of weirdos! It sounds like you had the same experience. Oh and one more thing I don't think I'd care if I was referred to as a girl, chick, dame or the like....they are just words it's when I get called ma'am that I tend to freak.
XXOO

Connie said...

First of all, I LUV your little sixties shift. Wow, what an adventure. So funny. Men are such dogs. I teach a Pilates class and I get these blathering idiot males in the class that just show up to ogle women in leotards. Augh! But there are some good men out there Really. You HAVE TO go again. If even just to give us all a good laff!

Mariela said...

Wow. Just wow. I'm glad I never tried speed dating. I don't think I could deal with all the idiots and douche-bags who think it's all about them.
Rest assured that you look glorious and beautiful. I'm sure you impressed them but they weren't so impressive.

Ivy Black said...

That's me fucking laughing out loud. How bloody funny...I love you!
xxxxxxxxxxx

Style Sud-Est said...

so freaking funny!
I recall having those conversations when i was dating via the Internet...it takes a while before you meet an intelligent, funny nice man.. my ratio is 10 assholes for 1 terrific guy....i met my share of assholes i tell you! yeah! do it again, you never know!
I have met my sunshine you will meet yours i'm sure

Ariane xxxx

Helga! said...

BAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA O M FRIGGING GAWD WHAT A BUNCH OF LOONS!!! I'm gagging to know about the dude on drugs with the fake name, yeah.
How did you manage not to be rolling about with laughter with all this idiocy?! Is this really the class of the man who goes speed dating?! SO happy you felt fabularse, I know you damn well looked it!
Desiree is right, there's a book in this experience!
I freakin' LOVE ADORE WORSHIP that frock, and you are too sexy to LIVE!
Love you more than happy frocks!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PinkCheetahVintage said...

At least you looked hot and had your friend with you to make it fun :) Cute pastel dress!

Maria said...

gobsmackingly dreadful and hilarious, clearly these men are far too beautiful to be worrying about silly things like conversation - 'the shirt' clearly regrets his decision though x

Teresa said...

Hahahahahaha! Oh… wow!
That shirt guy… oh… dear…

zanyzana said...

Hilariarse! I think bitter man may be my Lawnmower man... It's a very familiar conversation!

menopauselsupermodel said...

OMG I am practically peeing myelf laughing!! Oh to have been a fly on the wall and seen this! LOLOLOL

Maybe the sight of you all fabulous in leopard rendered them speechless and stupid???

LOVE the aqua swirly dress on you!!

Yes-- you must go again just for the comedy aspect!

Gracey at Fashion for Giants said...

Hahahaha. I LOVE speed dating. I have been several times and it's pretty much always horrible and therefore always awesome.

BTW, you look like freedom to me too. I'm just sayin'.

Bella Q said...

killing me.

love your outfit.

Sue W @ Living the Good Life said...

Oops! I may have suffered a moment of urinary incontinence whilst expressing mirth and delight! Yeah go again! I don't suppose you are allowed to video it! Hell and damnednations! :D

Marla Robinson said...

Ok, makes me never want to do this. I love your super happy frock. Glorious!

Konad-licious said...

Can I PLEASE come with you next time? It's worth the plane trip and expense, it would make my whole YEAR.

Lakota [Faith Hope and Charity Shopping] said...

I'm sorry that you had to suffer the trauma of these conversational gems, but THANK YOU so much for sharing them! There is a whole new blog in that, if you can face it! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

Loving your European South American work, 'girl'!

xxxx

Linda Wolf said...

OMG, Sarah! You poor thing! Those guys really missed out on getting to know you better. I'm glad you had a good time looking back and laughing at it all.

That outfit is absolutely delish!
xxx

two squirrels said...

Oh the whole lot of them were bloody dum struck because you looked so frickin gorgeous in that leopard print dress!!!!!!!!!
We have had a real giggle at what was said, you have got to love the one who is out looking to meet someone after leaving his wife and kids a few weeks ago. Classy!!!!!
Love V

Indigo Violet said...

That was comedy gold.
You could try internet dating - I am and I have my first blind date this weekend. I will be mentally noting the number of times he talks about himself, and wearing my most faaaabulous outfit!

Vintage Bird Girl said...

Oh my word I want to marry you in that frock!! I am in LURVE! Thanks for entertaining us with your speed dating adventures. Unfortunately any man worthy of a beauty like you will be as rare as hens teeth...but hopefully not impossible! Xx

Trees said...

You are the BEST - I loved this!! I had a friend who did speed dating a while back, but none of her stories rival yours. I LOVE that dress on you - its beautiful and those shoes? Awesome sauce xoxo

edie pop said...

These are absolutely the kind of conversations I hope to find in the next Douglas Coupland's novel 'Generation Speed'! How brilliant, but I suspect that more than one dude here was on drugs!!Can't wait for the next hilarious chapter my darling Euro-South-American-Chinese beauty!!!
I can't say how much I love this frock, because is the kind of print and colours I love best!!
I love you more than good stories!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Style Crone said...

Very entertaining and at the same time horrifying. But your outfit today steals the show!

katty said...

well, you do look South American. If you came to my country- Uruguay- you'd look more Uuguayan than I do. I wonder about the looks of some of those guys- did they have the looks that matched their conversation or did they appear normal before they opened their mouths?

JG Ruddock said...

It's the combination of real stories, one sweeeeeeeet next-day dress, and the 'would I do it again? Yes!' endorsement that I *love* so much. You rock!

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. Life is for living. You are clearly doing that like a queen. xo

Forest City Fashionista said...

I've always thought you looked European South American - how perceptive of him ;) OMG, I laughed out loud at the pathetic stabs at conversation you were forced to endure. You and I should collaborate on a book, or at least a story, using your speed dating and my online dating experiences. Makes me appreciate my independence and my awesome female pals all the more.

Crissy said...

Oh wow #5 is pretty weird but #6 just tops it.

The Grande Dame said...

Oh dear... You look south american... Ha! You sure had the cream of the crop to choose from didn't you?! At least you got a good laugh out of it. I am so pleased you went with the leopard frock too :) Happy weekend xx

CityScape Skybaby said...

Loved reading this Sarah, though I know I would probably come out with equally inane comments as these men, as nerves make me just gabble endlessly and cringefully. I'm sure a lot of them were nervous wrecks when confronted by your rather awesome leopard printed self. It does sound a good laugh, and I love you in this green and pink dress, there goes that Blogger telepathy again because I just saw Krista in a similar one, and you both make me think of Springtime. xx

The Pugnacious Vegetarian said...

What wackos! Were there any good ones in the bunch?

Truly Madly Beauty said...

Oh my goooood!! LMAO! *wipes away tears* I frickin love you Sarah! This was just awesome, my friends been pushing at me to try this speed dating biz...I would have though a post like this would make me not want to...when in fact its had the opposite effect! I am so there! Oh if only you where here so I can drag ya with meeeeee!

Aysh xoxo

Melanie said...

You MUST MUST MMMUUUUSSTT go speed dating again to selfishly keep me happy! Try this line, "Oh, excuse me while I adjust my Fruit-tatas." Or this one, "Pardon me, can you show me your wiener?" "You must be from Central America, you look so Icelandic." I thought this would be a good way to get free meals and movies for months, but now I see that it's an even better way to write a best-selling book of My Adventures in Speed-Dating. Fantastic morning-after come-back.

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

Well ... they all seem lovely (NOT!!!). And I'm right there with you about guys calling me a lady. I always say "There's no nobility in my family tree. Potato farmers as far back as we're aware of. So no need to start pulling out the titles".

look see said...

Oh my that's too funny - loves it! Reminds me of my internet dating days! Oy vey!

Rosemary the Shopper said...

How I enjoyed your speed dating adventures. That was so funny! You couldn't make it up in fiction.

Cheers from England,
Rosemary from
www.foreveronthecatwalkoflife.blogspot.com

delia hornbook said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha well thank god that didn't put you off :-) You did make me chuckle with your tales of conversation. But i have to say i adore that dress your wearing you look gorgeous, dee xxx